Military Spouse Appreciation: It takes a Village

There is no way we could do this all on our own, even when we can't find the courage to ask for help, someone will always be there to help. A true testament to it takes a village

“It Takes A Village”

We have all heard this phrase in reference to raising children, but I am here to tell you it has wider application.

As some of my regular readers know I have been going through quite the moving process, and like all good military moves it involved 4 months of hurry up and wait, and then 2 weeks to get it all done (and no I am absolutely not exaggerating!). My husband received orders to Korea for the fall, in February this year. While he is gone for the year we decided the best thing to do was to go live with my family. But of course because my family lives in Hawaii it caused all sorts of issues because that’s OCONUS. So after 8 weeks (that’s right it took eight weeks to get 5(maybe?) signatures) we finally have permission for me to go live with mom and dad!

Only here is the catch the day we got the exemption to come through was less than 10 days out from my husband’s report date!!!!!!!

And here is where it comes to it takes a village! I am now fully responsible for being present during 4 days of movers and packers (because out stuff is going three different places!) because my husband has to leave before they were able to schedule movers because it was such a tight turn around. And then after the four day pack out I get to deep clean our apartment so we can get our security deposit back.

While as you know from a couple weeks ago that I am the one used to being on the move, I have never packed up a fully furnished house on my own in less than a week! But you know what? I have been blessed to be part of an amazing community here. One that always has a hand out offering assistance however they know how. Whether its taking my dog to be out of the way of movers, letting me crash at their house when the movers take my bed. Lending me cleaning supplies to get my apartment inspection ready!

There have been points over the last couple weeks that I have been so stressed that I literally just sit on my couch, watching Gilmore Girls, making endless lists in my notebook, constantly checking and rechecking Facebook and Pinterest but so unable to get up and actually tackle anything off my lengthy to-do list.

Thankfully I have some wonderful ladies in my life who have stepped in and helped me realized how capable I am of taking care of business. By stepping in to take one thing off my plate, like offering to take my puppy for the day so I don’t have to stress about boarding her, or telling me I don’t have to worry about taking apart my bed frame before the movers get here, or just giving me a lovely bouquet of flowers or thank you gift, and encouraging texts to lift my spirits. Even the cyber-space community has been there when I reached out looking for guest posts (Get ready to hear from Rachel next week!) so that I can check one more thing off my list in these crazy weeks.

While I am always the first to offer help in any situation, I am rarely quick to ask for help when I need it. I would rather try to tackle it on my own without burdening anyone else. While Military Spouse Appreciation day was last week, I think the lovely ladies in this community that has rallied around each other deserves much more than just one day of appreciation because we wouldn’t make it through this crazy life without each other.

The Military Spouse’s Guide to Embracing the Suck

Life can be sucky sometimes. But don't worry there are ways to keep plugging along embracing life to the fullest!

I was looking back at my content. It has been a while since I have written something specific to being a military wife. I think it’s because our situation is so stagnant right now I didn’t know what else to write about- no PCS’s in the works, no deployments, no anything. And I have already written about most of my other Army Experiences. We know we are leaving Benning in the next few months, but we don’t know when and we don’t know where, but we know things are a changing! But until they tell us we are just hanging out, waiting, in a holding pattern.

Also I have been focusing on writing some guest posts for military specific blogs so a lot of my ideas went there! But as we get more pieces of the plan, not all of it has been great, and some of it down right sucks! When I talk to friends outside the military, the phrase I am greeted by over and over is, “that sucks!” Whether it’s in response to I haven’t talked to my spouse all week, he is in the field; we can’t make a plan for more than a week or two out; deployments, or whatever! I am reminded as a good military spouses and soldiers, we are supposed to suck it up and embrace the suck.

Embracing the Suck, I think this is one of my least favorite phrases associated with the Army. The phrase itself sucks, if I do say so myself! Why does Army, or any military life for that matter, have to be so negative that we need to saying just convince people that its ok it’s negative. Why aren’t we working on making it more positive?  Well first, change requires that the system wants to be changed, or enough people call for change. Well since neither of those two things have happened yet, we need to find ways to embrace the suck, get better at waiting, and not just survive military life, but truly thrive!

So here are my tips on how to embrace the suck, Military Spouse Style, so that it doesn’t have to suck anymore, because none of us deserve to live a life full of suck, we deserve the life we want- full, vibrant, and beautiful!

Embrace the suck by making the most of every situation.

While we maybe in an awful, undesirably long holding pattern, I am grateful that at least my husband is home with me. As we all know in military life, this is not always the case. Over the spring and summer, my husband was gone in the field 12 out of 14 weeks. But for now we are together and that is enough!

Knowing that its ok for you to think it sucks.

Just because you are supposed to embrace the suck doesn’t mean it doesn’t actually suck. In fact, it does often just as much for our service member spouses as it does for us! In my current situation, so many of my friends are sending or have already sent their spouses to Ranger School! While my hubby didn’t get to go to ranger school (read his injury prevented it – although he isn’t torn up about it!) I have watched so many of my friends and clients face this. Embracing the suck doesn’t mean ignoring or denying the suck! It sucks and its ok to say so!

Lean in all the way. 

If you know that you can make the suck go away faster by working harder and getting it done, then work as hard as you can and get it done. Obviously this doesn’t work for everyone – deployments don’t get cut short if you work extra hard, no matter how early you start prepping for that PCS the date won’t get moved up (ok well it might, but not just because you are all set!). But sometimes it does – like when it comes to unpacking after the PCS. Unpacking can definitely suck especially if your furniture doesn’t fit like you want or you don’t have enough curtains for this house! If you just stay focused you can get done quicker!

Find a friend

Embracing the suck requires a team effort! We can’t do it on our own. Some might argue with me on this point but I have written several posts about the importance of community and making friends. To me it is Mission Critical to have a few good friends you can really rely on to be there for you! As much as we rely on our spouse to help us get through these sucky periods, they are not always there – because mission comes first. Besides who else shows up with wine and chocolate after those kind of days!

So you see, it’s possible to Embrace the suck! It takes time and its ok to throw ourselves a pity party! But after that we can put our big girl panties on and trudge alone! If you are struggling to trudge on check out my 15 Healthy Coping skills here!

How do you embrace the suck?

Life can be sucky sometimes. But don't worry there are ways to keep plugging along embracing life to the fullest!