Letting Go of your Expectations

There is a honeymoon period to homecoming bliss and you are probably have expectations, here are some ways to manage expectations & prevent disappointment

Homecomings are hard and can either be a time of great joy and excitement or times of heartache and disappointment! Sometimes both. So how can you prevent the disappointment? By realizing nothing is like the fantasies in our head and likely our SOs are envisioning something all their own. And when these two visions don’t line up, heartache can happen. Last week I wrote about homecoming anxiety and I wanted to follow through on some thoughts I had about managing our expectations. But as I started writing it I realized it could be a post all its own because it can apply not only to homecoming but to marriage and parenting as well.

Just like after you start a relationship, get married, or move in together, there is a honeymoon period to homecoming bliss. And while you are preparing for the homecoming you are probably setting up expectations of what your time will be like, and also for what will happen after the honeymoon period begins to fade. But this will just set you up for disappointments that could potentially turn into resentment. Maybe they don’t begin to pick up on all the chores they left behind right away and you’re still doing them even though you were so excited to be done with that chore after they returned. Leave those expectations behind and homecoming will be a much smoother transition.

Now you are probably asking yourself how can I do that. I am going to share one of my methods for releasing expectations. Often we don’t even know what those expectations are. They are subconscious and we don’t recognize them. So it can be really difficult to let go of them if you don’t even know they exist!

So Step 1: Identify your expectations.
  • When I am trying to identify any bias, expectations or anything that may not explicitly come to my mind is begin to envision what my hope, dream, fantasy of the situation is. For example, we have a wee little one at home and I have changed all the diapers, taken out the diaper pail every week, gotten up at every midnight feeding, given every bath and all the laundry. If my expectations that all of this will magically be lifted off my plate when B returns then I am sure to be disappointed when that does not magically happen. To figure out that this is my expectation I simply sat down and journaled about what immediately comes to mind without any filter or editing. This is just for you, so there is no need to censor yourself! This is exploratory exercise. Then go back and read about what you think will change now that they are home.

Now you know your expectations, how do you let go of them?

Step 2: Release them
  • For people who are very tactile you can do something physically with the piece of paper you wrote them on. Take a red marker and put a big “X” through them, throw the paper away.  For some just envisioning them in your mind and watching them fly away is enough. However works for you.

And now that you released them, know they will likely creep back in.

Step 3: Keep them in check
  • We can never 100% release our expectations but after we do we need to keep those feelings in check and realize that they are likely idealistic and unattainable we can manage them. When you begin to feel yourself disappointed by your SOs actions or lack of actions think back to your list of expectations and ask yourself: “Is this one of my expectations?” Why is this making me feel this way?


There is a honeymoon period to homecoming bliss and you are probably have expectations, here are some ways to manage expectations & prevent disappointment


3 Things To Consider Before Having A Baby

Many people believe they need to have their lives in perfect order before having a baby. In reality, many of the circumstances people worry about bringing a child into seem to have a way of working out and both the parent and the child are better for having overcome the challenge.

This week we have another Guest Post from Erica Johnson over at. She is sharing her Top 3 things you should consider before having a baby


Many people believe they need to have their lives in perfect order before they will be ready to have a child. In reality, many of the circumstances people worry about bringing a child into seem to have a way of working out and both the parent and the child are better for having overcome the challenge. However, there are some legitimate areas of life that are important to consider before you start trying for a baby. Here are a few areas that are worth some time and attention.

Here are Three Things you Should Consider Before Having a Baby


While you certainly don’t have to be rich to be a great parent, being aware of your current financial situation is wise. A new baby brings along several extra costs: In 2015, the estimated cost of raising a child for 18 years was $233,610. Having money in savings and learning how to maintain a balanced budget can help provide a cushion against unexpected expenses

A baby has only a few true physical needs: food, shelter, diapers, a safe sleeping area, a car seat and clothing. Taking a look at your current financial state to determine if you will be able to provide these necessities can allow you to make any changes to your budgeting and saving habits now.


One of the most important things any baby needs is lots of love, snuggles and attention. In other words, your baby needs your time.

Children are notorious for not following an adult’s preferred schedule, and being aware of some of the changes a baby will bring to your life is worth some consideration. Are there commitments in your life now that you may need to put on hold or stop completely? Are there some personal boundaries that may need to be put in place to carve out one-on-one time with your child?

Proactive changes are usually easier to make than reactive ones. Considering the commitments, relationships and goals already present in your life can help provide some framework when thinking about how adding a baby will fit into your life.

Your Health

Thinking about the current state of your health is an important consideration. Pregnancy, delivery and caring for a newborn will require a great deal of energy from a mother’s body. Learning about and implementing good nutrition, exercise and daily vitamin routines can help get your body ready for a healthy pregnancy.

If you are concerned that you may have unhealthy habits or need to lose/gain weight, an appointment with your healthcare provider can help you develop a plan to get you and your future baby to optimal health.

Becoming a parent to a totally dependent newborn can change you at some of your deepest levels. Taking the time to consider your current situation can be very helpful in showing you where any changes may need to be made. Parenting is one of the greatest joys of life and investing the time to consider how you can provide the best environment to bring a child into is worth the effort.

Many people believe they need to have their lives in perfect order before having a baby. In reality, many of the circumstances people worry about bringing a child into seem to have a way of working out and both the parent and the child are better for having overcome the challenge.


Want to Find more by Erica?

Check out her blog here

And, Follow her on Social Media!


5 Love Languages Military Ideas

The 5 Love Languages is a great tool, but Military couples struggle to find ways to love across the distance in others languages, But it doesn't have to be impossible

When we were going through our Pre-Marital Counseling one of the things we talked about were the Love Languages by Gary Chapman. We identified which one was our primary love language and talked about ways we can love each other in the ways that say the most to the other, not ourselves.

But you know what, those don’t always work for us. See we have been a military couple since before we were married. It was always going to be part of the equation for our marriage. And we started our marriage off loving each other across the distance. We don’t always get to be together; we don’t always get to talk every day. So how can we practically apply the love languages to our marriage when we aren’t always able to do so.

For example, my husband’s love language is physical touch- but what happens when we are states or countries apart? We can’t hold hands every day, we can’t cuddle on the couch after dinner each night. Mine is acts of service, but he can’t wash my dishes if he is in the field for a week at a time. And I know we are not the only couple that has run into these issues. When I was working at the Chaplain’s center at Fort Benning I talked to so many couples who were struggling to feel loved by one another because it was so difficult to fill love tanks when we can’t spend time together.

Enter my discovery of Gary Chapman’s revision of the Five Love Languages Military Edition!  I was so excited when I found this on Amazon that I bought a copy immediately! And thanks to Amazon Prime I finished it within the week!

Here are some practical ways to love across the distance in each other’s love languages.

Physical Touch

This is another Love Language that is especially difficult to express during a deployment or separation, and so again you should also focus efforts to their secondary love language. But here are some other suggestions.

  • Send photos, these tangible images of you can become very important when its impossible to hold you physically.
  • Spray your perfume or cologne on a card or fabric and send to them.
  • Service members can arrange for their spouse to go and get a massage
  • Hand written letters

Words of Affirmation

This is one of the easiest ones to keep going during a deployment since all we are really able to do is talk to each other. But if they are in the field, or have little communication there are still things you can do.

  • Writing Love Letters
  • Allow each other to vent about stress and frustrations
  • Express appreciations through emails or letters
  • Open when Letters (great for when they may not be able to talk to you immediately)

Receiving Gifts

This is another one that is easier to keep going during a deployment. I mean just look on Pinterest and there are 100s of care package ideas. Rachel Even blogs all about Care Packages during deployment! It just takes a bit more planning and creativity.

  • Send care packages- Get creative! You can do all sorts of themes from favorite sports teams to holidays!!
  • Get friends and family together to send cards, emails and packages to let them know you’re ALL thinking of them.
  • Bring home unique gifts for your spouse from your location.

Acts of Service

During deployments, the deployed spouse should recognize that the homefront spouse is doing daily acts of service for them by managing the home front solo (of course we are happy to do it, but it can be exhausting). The deployed spouse is doing a whole different kind of act of service- one for their Country rather than their spouse specifically.

  • Spend time connecting with the deployed spouse’s family. Letting them know you are reaching out to them (if they are on good terms) will go along way.
  • Service Members can arrange for lawn care or child care to be set up and taken care of prior to leaving.
  • Service Members can record themselves reading books to their kids, this can help out at bed time.
  • Take care of projects around the home best you can rather than saving them all up for your spouse to return. You can even take before and after photos.

Quality Time

This is a difficult one to achieve during deployments and field separations. If you or your spouses Primary love language is quality time then make sure to really invest in their secondary love languages as well while apart. But there are still some ways to spend quality time together; especially if you have access to internet.

  • Read a book together and discuss during phone chats
  • Tell your spouse, “I can’t wait to spend a day _____ with you again” filling in your favorite shared activity.
  • If you can’t share the day to day details of your work, at least share how you are feeling.
  • Become interested in a sport or hobby your spouse enjoys. Then share what you are learning.

If you are interested in finding out what you and your spouses love languages are, then you can take this inventory online for FREE. Just click HERE!

The 5 Love Languages is a great tool, but Military couples struggle to find ways to love across the distance in others languages, But it doesn't have to be impossible

Five Fab Fun Fall Date Ideas

Ah the Crisp Fall Air is here! And so its time to get out and enjoy all the fall has to offer! Here are my favorite fall date ideas!

Ah the crisp fall air is finally here (well if you don’t live in the Hawaiian Tropics, that is!) But for the rest of the world we are in the land of pumpkin spice everything and warm cinnamon apples! Some of my favorite flavors are found at home in the fall. I love sweaters, boots, flannel shirts and jeans!

So if you’re loving this fall weather as much as I am then what a better time to get out with your loved one to spend some time together!

Here are some fun Fall Date Ideas to get you up off the couch and out around town!

  1. Bon Fire: Now this might be a group date idea, but it is one of my favorites for the fall. When it’s a bit chilly in the air there isn’t a better way to spend a night under the stars than with a bon fire. Plus, I mean S’mores and warm Apple Cider!! You can’t get better than that!
  2. Pumpkin Patch: Who else loves carving pumpkins?? One year I got so in to it during a competition I actually hurt my hand to the point of needing physical therapy! But hey our cookie monster pumpkin was definitely a hit! But carving a pumpkin starts with a fun trip the pumpkin patch! Dress up and make sure to get some cute photos while you’re there!
  3. A Haunted House: Adrenaline rushes when we are with our loved ones can help us feel more connected! So head on over to the local haunted house for a good spook! And if you get a bit shakey, that’s when you grab your hubby’s hand!
  4. Apple Picking: My hubby eats more apples than most and I love to cook with apples! So picking fresh apples can be a fun way to get outside now that the heat has subsided some! Plus all the apple orchards I’ve ever been too have really yummy apple donuts (one of my favorite kinds of donuts!)
  5. Corn Maze: If you like an adventure getting outside and wandering through a corn maze can be just the ticket!

What are some of your favorite fall date ideas? Let me know in the comments!

If you loved these ideas, then be sure to check out my summer date ideas too!

Ah the Crisp Fall Air is here! And so its time to get out and enjoy all the fall has to offer! Here are my favorite fall date ideas!

Baby Proofing Your Marriage

Becoming a parent is a huge shift in your marriage! But it shouldn't detract from the intimacy between you and your spouse!

We’ve all heard it said that your marriage is more important after you have children, not less. Yet, there has been a huge shift in parenting over the last several years in which we are always putting our children first.

The reason our marriages matter more after children is because our marriage is a model of what healthy relationships look like. And parenting children is so much easier when you are a team. And being a co-parenting team is much easier when you have a solid spousal relationship. Always remember that before you were a mom and dad, you were a husband and wife.

While I was working in the Chaplain’s office at Ft. Benning I read And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives by John Gottman. I liked it so much that it’s a book I highly recommend to all parents and parents to be (I even list it on my resource page!)

I value Gottman’s insights on marriage and so I really took some of his principles to heart in preparation for when we had our own kids. And it sure is coming in handy now! Gottman has Six Steps for Maintaining Romance After Children. Who doesn’t want to keep that spark alive? Nobody goes into having children intending to neglect their marriage. But during the new born phase so much of a new parents’ life begins to revolve around the new baby. The new baby’s eating schedule, sleeping schedule. And suddenly the intimacy and closeness between husband and wife begins to decrease. It just happens.

Maintaining the same level of romance and intimacy takes a lot of work. Here are just a few of the steps he recommends for maintaining Intimacy and Romance in your marriage:

  • Soften how you bring up a problem
  • The importance of repair
  • Accepting influence
  • Savoring your friendship
  • Giving Grace

Giving Grace

It is not about avoiding problems that may come up as new parents, but finding positive strategies to manage the problems as they occur. Tensions can begin to run high in the first few months home with a new baby. Neither parent is particularly experienced or confident in their parenting abilities. This insecurity can make emotions run high. New moms have a surge of hormones to top it all off making them even more prone to being emotional. Lack of sleep also contributes to the rise in tensions in the home. Nobody can function at their best when they are being awoken every two to four hours.

So small events may turn into larger disruptions than might be normal. When this happens remember to give yourself grace. And to give your partner grace.

Giving your partner grace can be more difficult for new moms. New moms may not see how the transition for their partner is as difficult for dad as it is for mom. New moms, especially those who nurse are now the primary source of survival for a new born and are often still struggling with postpartum symptoms. But both new Mom and Dad need grace during the transition into parenthood. Grace can help promote intimacy in your marriage because it will prevent harboring resentment. Resentment prevents intimacy because it allows there to be separation within the marriage. Resentment can build up walls. Walls up = no intimacy.

Importance of Repair

Because tensions run high during the transition from a two person family to a three person family, repair attempts are so important. Why? Because we may often hurt our spouse’s feelings. Making and accepting repair attempts is more telling of relationship satisfaction than how many arguments a couple has. But it is not enough for one person to constantly be making repair attempts; the other must accept them. By accepting the repair attempt you are coming back together and creating more intimacy. When you reject your partner’s repair attempt you are putting up a wall between you. This prevents intimacy from growing in your marriage.

Savoring Your Friendship

Remember what brought ya’ll together as a couple to begin with. Most likely it has something to do with a friendship that was cultivated. During the postpartum period sexual intimacy is off the table. So finding old ways to create intimacy is important. At the beginning of your relationship, most likely sex was no the element of your relationship that created intimacy. Most often intimacy is created through friendship which leads to a more sexually intimate relationship. Get back to basics and by spending time together you can help maintain levels of intimacy in your relationship. While you may not be able to find time to get away and spend one on one time with your spouse, spending time together as a new family can help you maintain your friendship. It is a way to create new memories and experiences together.

This is just a way to start maintaining intimacy in your relationship after the newest addition has arrived. If you are looking for more information check out Gottman’s book And Baby Makes Three. He has such relevant information for new parents!

Becoming a parent is a huge shift in your marriage! But it shouldn't detract from the intimacy between you and your spouse!

Summer Date Night Ideas

Summer is a great time to get out and explore the area more with the longer days!

It is officially summer time. In the south that means sweltering temperatures and ridiculous humidity! But the days are so long that you still have hours of daylight even after you get off work! Despite the heat there couldn’t be a better time to get out and explore! Plus what goes better with the heat than Ice cream! So to help get your creative juices flowing (because we have had nothing but endless date nights living in a hotel without a kitchen) I am giving you my list of top 10 summer date ideas so you and your honey can break up the monotony of netflix and chill.

  1.  Ice Cream dates! What could be more fun than sharing a banana split, and if you have kids this would be a great time for a family date if you can’t find a sitter. Some of my favorite summertime memories with my family was going out after dinner and getting an extra large banana split and the four of us sharing. Feel like taking a walk too, grab it in a cone or a milkshake to-go and explore the local park!
  2. Summer time can be a great time to explore your local parks, the flowers are blooming and the grass is green for a nice picnic lunch! Just make sure to bring lots of cold beverages to stay cool!
  3. A sand castle building contest- Do ya’ll live near a beach? If so pack up the buckets and shovels and challenge each other to a sand castle building competition! Take pictures and find a judge
  4. Put-Put! few things can be as fun as finding a great put put course and giving it a whirl!
  5. TO beat the heat hit try checking out a local museum. I recently visited the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame with my parents in Cleveland, Ohio. While I am not the biggest rock n roll fan, and I didn’t know a lot about it, and some areas were not very exciting for me, I learned so much about music and music history, which was pretty cool. You never know what you might learn when you venture out!

So there you have it, 5 Summer Date Night Ideas for when you are stuck, and just need a push out the door!

Summer is a great time to get out and explore the area more with the longer days!

Growing Closer to your Spouse: Learning from Each Other

When we come into a marriage we have our set of unique experiences we bring. We can either let these differences get between us or we can learn from each other and grow closer together

We all know military life comes with lots of moving. But in some ways I feel like an old pro at that! No I am not a military brat, but I did move around quite a bit as a kid. I can’t count on two hands the number of houses I lived in before I went off to college, and in the three years since I have graduated college I have lived in as many houses! I know crazy! So I totally get the feeling of never having deep roots or feeling like you can settle all the way into a home because you know you are going to be packing up and moving soon. My hubby grew up in the same house his whole life. His parents have been in that house for 30+ years! Talk about different childhood experiences!

Where his roots went deep, mine went wide! Home became much more generalized in my mind. It was the people I was with and the experiences I was having. During my senior year of high school after my parents had already moved, rather than the house I was staying in, my church became home to me. Later it was another’s house and their family completely took me in! So, you see I made a home out of the community I was surrounded with! It was the same when we were overseas, but I was really young then and much more outgoing!

His roots run deep. He had grown up in a two-stop light town (he says he remembers when they put the second one in!) He still hangs out with the two guys he has been friends with since he was a toddler! When we moved him here to GA, he didn’t know how to pack boxes or a car efficiently. He never had to! I am a master of it! I fit an entire kitchen’s worth of items, plus bedding and bathroom necessities into the trunk of my mini SUV! He struggles more to be away from home, because he hasn’t had as many experiences outside the state of SC. It is all he has ever known.

Neither one of us are right or wrong to have a different root system. It’s a by-product of how we are raised! Many couples face these kinds of differences. We have had vastly different childhoods. So, we can empathize with how the other is feeling, but we can never truly understand what the other went through and learned because of those experiences. This is part of the reason that nearly 60% of a couple’s problems are unsolvable (other contributors are differences in belief systems and gender differences).

This is where we get to learn from our spouses! Learning something from our spouses is one of the greatest ways to connect even deeper. Not only do we get to learn more about their interest or skills, we get to spend time together. And even more it gives us greater appreciation for their perspective on life. Although my husband says he prefers to stay out of the way while I am packing, when he helps me, we learn together the best way to make all our stuff fit then he can gain a deeper understanding of my experiences. Also, now when he moves by himself he will have some tips for how to do it himself. And we get to spend time together, which in military life we all know is to be cherished! Especially with a separation looming on the horizon.

In marriage, we are called to separate from our families and cleave to each other, becoming one. This is hard to do when we don’t understand each other. I mean typically before we get married we date, talk about common interests and get to know each other. But marriage means doing so on an even deeper level, something we could never accomplish while we are dating. As we learn from one another we grow even closer together, losing ourselves in each other (not to mean we cease being our own person). This also means that we can’t hang onto ideas just because they are something our parents did. We have to find ways to be together, be our own family. We do this by seeking understanding, and appreciate their view, and then possibly find a new way of doing things together.

If we appreciate our spouses more, than we will have less time to criticize our spouses. Criticism is one of the roots of issues that can lead to divorce. It can lead to contempt for our spouses, which is the leading cause of divorce. Learning from your spouse can be a way to divorce proof your marriage! And who doesn’t want that! Nobody’s goal in marriage is to set out to fail. But we do have to work to succeed. We can’t expect our marriages to work if we are not working on our marriages. There is always room for improvement, even in the best of marriages.

You can teach and learn anything from your spouse from a hobby, a religion, a culture, an area of interest like history, or a skill! I have learned a lot about football, especially Carolina Gamecock football! I have also learned a lot about history and (unfortunately) some grammar!

What Have you learned from your spouse?

When we come into a marriage we have our set of unique experiences we bring. We can either let these differences get between us or we can learn from each other and grow closer together

Rebuilding Trust in your Relationships when its been Broken + FREEBIE: Honesty Contract

When trust is broken, it can be hard to believe it can ever be restored! Here are some proven ways to restore trust in your relationships + Freebie: Honesty Contract!

Think about those relationships in your life both past and present that you have felt most secure in. I’d be willing to bet big money that trust was an important component to that relationship. There is not a single type of relationship that does not benefit and thrive off of trust: romantic, parenting, friendships, and work/employee relationships. And one relationship where trust is most essential is your marriage.

I have seen many couples or even just individuals come in struggling in their marriages because somewhere trust was broken- someone had an affair, or was thought to have had an affair, one partner had been repeatedly hurt by the other, maybe there are control tactics being employed, pornography, or addiction plaguing the relationship.

And all of them sought counseling with the main goal to rebuild trust in their marriages. Some were successful, some were not. More than half of all marriages are interrupted by an affair, but not all marriages are ended because of it. It is possible to rebuild trust, but it is difficult and requires determination and the constant decision to love your spouse throughout the process, for both members of the couple!

Trust is something that is hard to explain. And it is an absolute- you either trust someone or not, there is no degrees of trust. Without trust in our relationships we feel insecure and out of control. Especially if there was trust originally and it was blatantly broken by someone’s actions. Some people, like me, readily trust most people until given a reason to distrust them. This can be a double edged sword in that is has burned me a few times, but it works for me, where I am constantly meeting new people. Other people are slow to trust, letting it build as the person proves themselves to be trustworthy.

Actions that breed trust are ones full of honesty, transparency, and integrity obviously; but others include being thoughtful and caring, taking a genuine interest in someone else for no personal gain.  Based on my experiences from working with couples, the three most asked questions when they come in looking for hope are:

  1. Can trust be restored?
  2. Whose responsibility is it to restore broken trust?
  3. And how can we rebuild trust in our relationship?

Trust Can Absolutely Be Rebuilt

Here are the answers I give my clients when they come in. Yes! Trust absolutely can be restored. It is hard work, and can often be discouraging because it takes a long time to rebuild, it may have grown quickly in the beginning, but it can take seconds to break and years to rebuild. So stay the path, even when it’s hard, and choose to love your spouse everyday despite not trusting them, and slowly but surely the trust will come back, but don’t rush it and stay positive when you can. The work might not always seem fair. While I can tell you that its possible if you work hard, only you in your relationship can decide if that hard work is worth it.

It Takes Two to Tango

Ok, so now we know it’s possible, but who is responsible? Some people might tell me I am wrong, but I believe it is necessary for both people to restore trust. Remember, it takes two people to tango in the good times and bad. So this is where it might see a little unfair to the “victim.” You are just as responsible for re-establishing trust as the “perpetrator” Both people have to be willing to set aside their price and dedicate themselves FULLY to making it work between them again.

It Takes Hard Work

And finally, the way to rebuild trust is simple, but time consuming. Both people have to be 100% committed to be 100% honest and transparent with each other. Sharing passwords to all accounts, possibly deleting social media accounts, share itineraries for each day, allow GPS tracking through cell phones so you can check each other’s location. Checking in regularly throughout the day and then being able to check their GPS and let the partners know that they are actually going where they are saying they are going. While this may seem invasive at first, if you have nothing to hide then there really shouldn’t be any reason to be put out by it. It may be drastic, but it can go a long way in restoring trust.

Dr. Willard Harley, a marriage counselor, wrote a book Surviving an Affair. He has three policies that he as all his clients subscribe to when they are seeking to rebuild their marriage. 1. Policy of Radical Honesty; 2. Policy of Joint Agreement; 3. Policy of undivided attention. He views these as all-encompassing and necessary for affair recovery. And while he is talking directly about affair recovery, the same principles are important for restoring trust – addictions, control, and hurt.

Teamwork is Crucial

Regardless of why you need to build trust in your relationships and marriage, these are some great places to start. I know it’s hard. I have been in broken relationships where trust is lost. And I’ve walked the painful road of affair recovery and addiction recovery with many couples. But be encouraged by the knowledge that it is possible and knowing you’re not alone.

I would say if you’re struggling with issues around trust I would recommend checking out the resources on my page; but also consider seeing a counselor. We aren’t here to judge you, but are here to help you explore and find answers. And if you do decide to seek out a counselor I would encourage you to lean into it all the way. Counseling is what you make it. It can be an awesome experience if you let it.

With that said I know many people won’t ever seek out help, which is one of the reasons I love this blog and many others that address relational wellness and mental health! So if you don’t want to seek counseling to help rebuild your relationship, here is an Honesty Contract that can be used as an agreement between you and your spouse to maintain radical honest and follow through on the policy of joint agreement. And as you find yourself being more and more honest with each other over time, trust will be rebuilt.

Rebuilding trust in your relationships can be extremely difficult and often feel impossible, but with some hard work and dedication you can rebuild that bridge and find your way back to each other

For those who have experienced a breach in trust in your relationship, what did you do?


Finding Yourself Somewhere you Never Expected to be: Being a Stay at Home Wife

Finding yourself somewhere you never expected to be. For me that is being a stay at home wife!

Have you ever found yourself somewhere you never planned to be? That is me right now. I always envision myself being a stay at home mom, when the time came. My mom was home with us till I was in the 8th grade; and I loved it as a kid! But I never envisioned myself as a stay at home wife. I always envisioned myself working towards a career for a few years before I turned to being a SAHM. Yet, here I am! Master’s degree in hand, in a state I can’t get a license in (For full story check out this post!) So I am a stay at home wife.

I know what some people might say about this. Some will call me lazy, unmotivated, free loader, and probably some worse things. Some might even be jealous that I don’t have that extra stress, pressure, and responsibility of a job AND kids. But it’s ok! It’s not like I sit at home all day napping and binge watching Netflix. Ok, you caught me, Netflix is on, but I am most likely doing something productive at the same time. In some ways this has been challenging for me. I am not working towards a career at the same rate my friends are; working in their field, gaining experience, and making contacts. This is the first time since I was like 16 that I don’t have a job and earning my own money! Sometimes I might even be a little jealous of them. Here are some of the blessings I have received and lessons I have learned being in a place I never expected to be!

I had time to spend with my Hubby

If I was working on my career, I would probably still be in South Carolina, separated from my husband because he would still be here in Georgia no matter what I chose to do. I wouldn’t have made some of the best friends I’ve made. And even though I am not working towards my career or counseling license, I have had doors open to me in the Army as a service provider through the Chaplains. But the best blessing is that these months have given my hubby and I wonderful adventures and opportunities to connect. If I had stayed in South Carolina to work on my counseling license we would have ended up spending two years apart as we are now facing a yearlong unaccompanied assignment. It makes me even more grateful for the time we have had together over the last few months!

Growing my faith to a Mustard Seed

It has also given me the opportunity to grow in my relationship with God. If I was working full time I wouldn’t have the flexible schedule to attend a weekly Bible study, as stuff for military spouses only seem to take place during the day when people with full time traditional careers are in the office. This has been awesome for me! Not only to grow in my faith but I have made friends and come closer to others during my time here.

Growing my Community

I have had the opportunity to meet other Army wives and families; and I have had time to spend connecting with them. Some have become mentors and friends as I am learning to navigate the complexities and weirdness Army life. I’d be lost without them. Some ladies I’ve met that are here and work full time have told me they feel like they are missing out because they don’t have the time to make those relationships. Also they typically are not working in their field. I know I am blessed to have this luxury of staying home. So I have worked to make the most of it!

Blogging on my Blogging Progress

I have had the time to start and grow this blog. At first it was a way to fill my empty time. I never expected to get so into it. So much so that I’ve creates social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, StumbleUpon, Bloglovin). I am intentional about writing and engaging with other bloggers in multiple different niches as I figure out and learn how to grow my own community. And it has definitely been incorporated into my Vision of Future for 2017. Adventures of a Young Wife has turned into more than I imagined and I am so excited to continue it as we go about our newest adventures.

Health has been a major focus

And finally it has given me the opportunity to work on my health physically. I am not perfect here by any means I mean just remember my hiking story (find it here). But having the ability to not have to get up and immediately crank it out before being at work at 8am or after I get off at 5pm. I can add it to my morning routine in a stress free way which makes me more likely to actually see it through. Even though sometimes puppy snuggles win out!

In the end…

But look at all these wonderful things! I could never have imagined this life. All though out college and grad school I never dreamed my life would take a path like this; but, I wouldn’t change a thing. And I get to do the one thing I love most, love my hubby in person for the next 7 months before he leaves and support him always. I know you don’t read my blog to just find out about my life, well some of you might, like my mom.

But I am hoping that by sharing my experiences with you that you can learn something too. For me, being a stay at home wife is a major shift in plans. I don’t know what that major shift for you is – maybe it’s getting married, having a baby, losing your job, or a loved one; whatever that unexpected life shift is for you remember that good things can come from it. If only you allow yourself to be open. I could have been sulky and sullen and stayed on my couch and I wouldn’t have gained anything but I worked hard and put myself out there! And I am so glad I did, and you will be too!

What unexpected situations have you found yourself in that turned out great?

My story of how I found myself somewhere I never expected to be. My life as a stay at home wife and how I made the best of the situation


An open letter to all spouses who are also students. From someone who has been there and made it through

An open letter to all spouses, military or not, that are in another phase of life, being a student, all while being married. Often we think we go to school, we graduate, we find a job and we get married. Sometimes it works that way, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you go back to school. But as all of us students know school can be all consuming, and can prevent us from being the spouse we were maybe before school or what we desire to be. But know that its ok, and no matter what its ok.

See my open letter to the spouse who is also a student, from one who has been there and made it to the other side.

What advice would you share??