Do you want to know how much money I have spent on bottles? Well don’t worry I am not going to add it all up, because I am pretty sure I do not want to know the total costs. Especially since it has been all for not. After all the money I have spent on countless brands of bottles, my baby still arches her back, screaming hysterically, and flailing arms and legs, turning beet red when given bottle. Clearly, not ideal!
While I absolutely love that I am able to successfully breastfeed my daughter, it would be nice to get a bit of extra sleep just one night while someone gives her the 4am bottle. I love her snuggles during that time, but if I could just run to the store and leave her with dad or grandma and grandpa without fearing her getting hungry and no way to nourish her.
It definitely makes things interesting and challenging. And exhausting. It can be lonely. Especially if you aren’t comfortable breastfeeding in front of others so you retreat to the bedroom at home, the car if you’re out, or if you’re lucky enough that the place your at has a nursing mom’s room. If only your baby would just take a bottle you could let someone else bond with the baby in that special way. You could shower without the baby having to be asleep. You could run a quick errand, get a massage, a manicure, or a much needed Starbucks!
But we are told we are the lucky ones. We can breastfeed. Our babies latch great, we make plenty of milk, we may even have a supply in the freezer hoping that one day baby will wake up and forget she hates her bottle. But sometimes, it does not feel so lucky that there is no break for us.
Now I know I am lucky, our breastfeeding relationship is great. At almost 5 months old we are going strong, with clearly no signs of stopping. Almost half way to our goal. I also know that I am lucky in that because I am blessed enough to stay home with her, there is no pressure to take a bottle other than convenience for me.
When we are told we are the lucky ones, it can feel stifling like we can’t wish for things to be different.