Choosing a Parenting Style Before Baby Arrives

With so many books available to soon to be parents all claiming to hold all the secrets how do you choose which parenting philosophy is best for you?

 

There are so many books out there that all promote their own philosophy on how to keep your new born happy and yourself sane during the transition of adding a baby to your family. Books like The Happiest Baby on the Block, What to Expect the First Year, On Becoming Baby Wise, and so many more all offer their own solution to getting your baby to sleep more and cry less! I have read so many books on helping toddlers behave, teens be compliant and respectful and parenting strategies for the ages in between, but I have read so little about the infant stage. So as a naturally curious person I dove into books promising to help my infant the most. I wanted to be prepared. But I was quickly confronted with a choice. How do I want to raise and treat my infant? And guess what, she isn’t even here yet! I still have quite a few more months in fact! How am I supposed to make those kinds of decisions before I even meet her!

                              

The trap that these books set for new sleep deprived parents is that if you can’t follow them to a T you are failing your baby! And that simply is not true. There is no one size fits all parenting strategy because no two kids or parents are exactly alike. I have talked to many new moms and they feel the pressure to make sure their feedings last so long, go through extreme measures to make sure their baby stays awake for a full feeding and stays awake for a certain amount of time after the feeding. And when hormones are already raging after birth it can create quite a tense situation between the two parents.

Each book claims they have the best way to calm down your infant so they get the most sleep (theoretically so you do too), and help them be the happiest baby possible! But you must adhere to their premises, their schedules and philosophies behind their decisions. And typically, they say to start from birth! But what if the one you pick doesn’t work for you in application, or your baby just won’t follow an “Eat, Play, Sleep” schedule? Guess what it’s ok! In this post I am going to summarize some of the most popular infant parenting philosophy books. And then show you how you can mix and match them together to make it work for you.

  • Happiest Baby on the Block: The premise behind this strategy is the 4th Babies are not prepared to be out of the womb yet and are still very underdeveloped. By mimicking the sounds and feel of being in the womb it will reduce colic in babies. He has 5 S’s that help you mimic the womb and when done together in the perfect combination induce the calming reflex. The 5 S’s are: swaddling, sucking (nursing, bottle, or pacifier), shushing sounds, side/stomach laying (not for sleep- but in your arms to calm them down), and swinging. When parents do all of this to mimic the womb it will reduce colic. His research is based by studying the parenting strategies of cultures all around the world, particularly those that have the smallest incidence rate of reported colicky babies.
  • Baby Wise: Baby wise follows a strict wake/sleep schedule and has adjustments all for baby’s first year. They are proponents of a strict “Eat, play, sleep” schedule. I feel like this is the most strict parenting philosophy because the book includes timed schedules for each week from one to 52. Including how many naps, how long they should nap, and when they should be woken up. What if your baby just won’t follow this schedule, maybe their metabolism is faster and so they get hungry quicker and end up waking up more often at night? This book also says you should not rock, nurse or comfort your baby to sleep. This can be super difficult for a new mom. Who wants to listen to a new baby scream in protest? Definitely not me, or anybody I know either!

No new parent wants to feel like they are failing their new helpless little baby, but this can happen when parents try to adhere to only one philosophy that was picked before they even meet their baby! But we are often warned to not spoil our infants. Don’t nurse them to sleep, they will pick up bad habits and we will be doing it forever. Don’t let them sleep in the swing- they will never sleep in a crib after that. No pacifiers, they will get attached. Don’t pick them up every time they cry. They will learn to cry to get their way.

But guess what? Babies do not have the mental capacity to be manipulative in that sense. They just don’t know how to get their needs met. But meeting an infant’s needs is quite simple: change, feed, love them. If you can do those three things then all your infants needs will be met. You can’t spoil your baby too much! In fact, there have been recent studies that show cuddling your infant and picking them up on demand when they cry has positive impact on their brain development! Now what new parent doesn’t want that!

SO here is how to take those popular parenting philosophies and make them work for you!

What Baby Wise does well:

reinforce the importance of routine with infants. This is so important. Babies love predictability and routine. It allows them to predict what is going to happen next. That is comforting for an infant who depend on mom and dad for everything. Gives you the basics of sleep training for older babies- after the first 3 months or so. If you want to follow along exactly it provides sample timelines for each age bracket as your baby ages from birth to the first year.

What Happiest Baby does well:

What Baby Wise misses to me is how to help comfort a baby who isn’t following the timelines to a T! It gives parents step by step strategies for how to calm down a baby. It helps gives parents confidence moving forward when comforting their baby. Reinforces the idea that you can’t spoil your baby. If you have to nurse your newborn to sleep then its ok. And provides ages when more and more boundaries becomes helpful, starting around 9 months.

Remember, parenting is not a size fits all endeavor.

What worked for your 1st baby might not work for your 2nd. Or what worked for your neighbor might not work for you, and that’s ok! If you pick one strategy before the baby arrives and it doesn’t work for you when the baby arrives, its ok! Adjust! And enjoy your new bundle of joy!

With so many books available to soon to be parents all claiming to hold all the secrets how do you choose which parenting philosophy is best for you?

Where to Find Help When You Need It

The military provides mental health services in many different forms. Here are some popular sources to find help when life gets hard and need extra support.

Military Life is hard, and we all need some help from time to time. And as much as we hate to admit it, we can’t always do it on our own. But sometimes we need a little bit more help than even a friend, neighbor, or family member can give us. And that is OK. It doesn’t make us broken, damaged, or any other negative idea we get about people who seek counseling. It can be hard to find help when we need it.

Know It’s Ok to Seek Help

Sometimes we exhaust all our coping strategies, self care just isn’t working and we need a little extra support. It is not a sign of weakness, but knowing when you’ve hit your limit can be a sign of strength.

The military has improved the services to meet the mental health needs of service members and families. However, these services are often not publicized. So few people know where to find help when they want/need it.

Where to Find Help:

1. Military Family Life Consultants (MFLCs)

MFLCs are social workers and licensed counselors contracted by the military to provide free, 100% confidential counseling services. They are equipped to handle individual counseling, counseling for children, family counseling, and marriage counseling. If you are looking for them they are housed by ACS. Military One Click recently published an article about what it is like to talk to a MFLC. Hopefully that will help demystify the process.

2. Family Life Chaplains

Most soldiers know that chaplains have 100% confidentiality as well, but are hesitant to seek out help from their unit chaplains because often their offices are very close to the commander’s office and so they may be seen going to and from appointments. Service Members worry that the chaplains are not equipped to do formal counseling, pushing religion down their throats. Most chaplains only have a course or two in counseling during their seminary. Family life Chaplains have degree in counseling. Their sole responsibility is to provide marriage and family counseling services. While yes, they are chaplains they are not there to necessarily provide Christian counseling. I have worked with the family life chaplain’s office at two different posts and provided services through them.

3. Military One Source

If you are looking for other resources, providers that are outside of the military post you can go to Militaryonesource.mil and click on Confidential Help and they have options for face-to-face counseling, online counseling, phone counseling, or video counseling. While I have no personal experience with using this resource I know many people who have had lots of success using these services.

4. Behavioral Health

This is service members least favorite option. The reason this is that since it provided through Tricare, commanders know when you are receiving services here. Service Members can be mandated such as ASAP (alcohol or substance abuse program) or PTSD treatment.

The next time a friend or fellow MilSpouse is suffering, hopefully you will be able to share resources with them. Nobody should have to go it alone, just because they are unaware of the resources available.

The military provides mental health services in many different forms. Here are some popular sources to find help when life gets hard and need extra support.

What is on my Baby Registry

One of the things I was most excited about doing during pregnancy was putting together my baby registry. There are so many components! Here's what I picked!

One of the things I was most excited to do during my pregnancy was making my baby registries! I love browsing baby registries to find the perfect gift for my friends showers! So I couldn’t wait to get started on my own baby registry! I even started before we knew if we were having a boy or a girl, picking out gender neutral items.

I decided to make two registries (see why multiple registries are handy here): Target and Amazon. And between the two I was definitely able to find everything I needed for reasonable prices. Knowing I would not be able to furnish an entire nursery, would have limited storage space and would be sharing a room with baby the first year I chose space conscious, multi purpose items whenever I could.

What I am using as a Crib & Bassinet:

To save space in my room- I knew I wouldn’t have room for a full size crib I found The Graco Travel Lite Crib . It has stages so it can accommodate baby as she grows!

And then for a bassinet I found the Graco DreamGlider that is a two for one item! It is a swing and a bassinet! The back can be moved to an incline for babies that have acid reflux! In all my years as a nanny, no piece of baby gear ever saved me more than the swing, so I was definitely putting one of these on my registry.

Since the crib is an odd shape, I found these sheets and waterproof liners that will fit the mini pack n play! Mine and babies room will be grey and pink, with mint details and flowers. So these grey sheets work perfectly for her bed too! The Kushies Baby Bassinet Fitted Sheet fit and are so cute, plus being 100% cotton will keep her cool in the warm Hawaiian weather. Munchkin Waterproof Changing Pad will protect both the swinging bassinet and the pack n play in even of a blowout!

                                   

Car seat and Stroller:

I had read so many great things about the Chicco Keyfit car seat. So off to the baby store I went to try out how easy it was to lift the car seat, how heavy it was and more. And when I liked it I decided to check out the stroller that went with it! It folds easily and small, and is fairly light. So I chose the Chicco Bravo Trio Travel System to easily meet all my needs! The Keyfit car seat is the number one safety rated car seat across numerous panels including Consumer Report! A baby seat is namely about safety and so I feel confident in choosing this one! If you need more convincing just check out some of the reviews on Amazon!

Play Gym & Toys:

Because I knew I wasn’t going to have a full nursery and I would be saving money from not having to buy a crib, a glider, changing table due to lack of space I thought I might be able to splurge a little bit in some other areas! Like the play gym I picked out. It is the Infantino Grow-with-Me Playtime Teepee. Just look at how cute it is!

I think she will love it, and as she gets bigger we can remove the mobile and she can have a fun play space!

Baby Bath:

Originally I wanted to get a sink bath support since the house is small, and doesn’t have a lot of storage space. Normally those are smaller and take up less space and I figured this would be our best bet. But, the kitchen has no counter space and the bathroom sink has no vanity. So we decided that a smaller tub I can put in the big tub will be the best bet. Then I save money by only having to buy one baby bath. Because I have seen it in action, used it, and its collapsible I picked the Stokke Flexi Bath with Newborn Support.

And then to save my knees and elbows I found these two products! I love the what theme going on with baby bath supplies. For my knees I am getting the Milliard Bath Kneeler Cushion Mat and for an elbow rest, Skip Hop Moby Bath Elbow Saver. I think these will make bath time easier on me!

Baby Carriers:

I was a nanny and a baby sitter for nearly 12 years at this point in my life! So I have tried a lot of baby carriers out. And my favorite is the Baby Tula Ergonomic Baby Carrier! It is so comfortable to wear, wasn’t hard on my back and is cute too! Since you have to purchase an infant insert to support them as newborns I wanted a wrap style a carrier instead for the early weeks. I decided to try the Baby K’tan Original Baby Carrier. I wasn’t excited about the moby wrap and trying to figure out how to wrap it on my own. But the baby K’Tan is based on your t-shirt size so it is already more fitted to my size.

A baby carrier was important to have because my hubby won’t be home during her first year. I can use the carrier so I can get chores around the house done, like laundry.

Nursing Essentials:

I plan to breastfeed our little one when she arrives and so being prepared to nurse was important to me! My favorite nursing bras are the Gilligan and O’Malley brand from Target! They are affordable and so comfortable! I may never go back to wearing an underwire bra again!!

But I wanted to make sure I was prepared as possible so I also went for a Boppy Nursing Pillow on recommendations from family! I know babies make a lot of mess- from leaking diapers to blowouts and spit up, so I wanted to protect the boppy so I could save it for future babies with a Boppy Water Resistant Protective Cover and a washable cover in a fun color, Boppy Pillow Slipcover Trellis Turquoise.

Beside a nursing pillow I wanted to be prepared with breast pads. I got some Medela Washable Bra Pads, and UpSpring All Natural Nipple Balm so that I don’t have to remember to wipe it off before each feeding. I also have already had some tenderness, so I’m worried about the level of sensitivity and tenderness at the beginning. These heating pearls by Lansinoh TheraPearls should provide relief.

Diaper Bag:

The diaper bag is another item I picked out because I had used it while babysitting. It is cute enough to use as your every day bag. Plus its roomy with lots of pockets. The Skip Hop Baby Duo Diaper Bag w/ Mat can double as my purse, meaning I only have to carry one bag. As a bonus it has a changing mat for public bathrooms. And can easily hang on the back handles of the stroller so I won’t have to carry it while pushing her around!

So there you have it! All the basics on my baby registry! I am so excited to be setting up the nursery and getting to start using all these baby products soon! Be on the look out for reviews of them as I get to use them more!

 

What were your favorite registry items?

One of the things I was most excited about doing during pregnancy was putting together my baby registry. There are so many components! Here's what I picked!

Five Fab Fun Fall Date Ideas

Ah the Crisp Fall Air is here! And so its time to get out and enjoy all the fall has to offer! Here are my favorite fall date ideas!

Ah the crisp fall air is finally here (well if you don’t live in the Hawaiian Tropics, that is!) But for the rest of the world we are in the land of pumpkin spice everything and warm cinnamon apples! Some of my favorite flavors are found at home in the fall. I love sweaters, boots, flannel shirts and jeans!

So if you’re loving this fall weather as much as I am then what a better time to get out with your loved one to spend some time together!

Here are some fun Fall Date Ideas to get you up off the couch and out around town!

  1. Bon Fire: Now this might be a group date idea, but it is one of my favorites for the fall. When it’s a bit chilly in the air there isn’t a better way to spend a night under the stars than with a bon fire. Plus, I mean S’mores and warm Apple Cider!! You can’t get better than that!
  2. Pumpkin Patch: Who else loves carving pumpkins?? One year I got so in to it during a competition I actually hurt my hand to the point of needing physical therapy! But hey our cookie monster pumpkin was definitely a hit! But carving a pumpkin starts with a fun trip the pumpkin patch! Dress up and make sure to get some cute photos while you’re there!
  3. A Haunted House: Adrenaline rushes when we are with our loved ones can help us feel more connected! So head on over to the local haunted house for a good spook! And if you get a bit shakey, that’s when you grab your hubby’s hand!
  4. Apple Picking: My hubby eats more apples than most and I love to cook with apples! So picking fresh apples can be a fun way to get outside now that the heat has subsided some! Plus all the apple orchards I’ve ever been too have really yummy apple donuts (one of my favorite kinds of donuts!)
  5. Corn Maze: If you like an adventure getting outside and wandering through a corn maze can be just the ticket!

What are some of your favorite fall date ideas? Let me know in the comments!

If you loved these ideas, then be sure to check out my summer date ideas too!

Ah the Crisp Fall Air is here! And so its time to get out and enjoy all the fall has to offer! Here are my favorite fall date ideas!