Goodbyes Never Get Easier

Saying goodbye never gets easier, whether its you husband, family, or friends.

So I actually had all my posts planned out through April already, but today I had a moment that I feel like I really wanted to share with everyone. Now if you are judging by the title, you most likely think that I am going to be talking about saying goodbye to my hubby.

This month I am saying good bye to all the friends I have made here at Fort Benning. EVERY SINGLE ONE!!! How does that even happen?? And we aren’t going anywhere for another two months, which still isn’t very long.

Somehow we start to believe that the only goodbyes we say are to our spouses; we forget about the family and the friends we leave behind at every move. I am sure many of ya’ll have watched the wildly popular show, Army Wives. Throughout the entire show none of them moved away from each other in 7 WHOLE seasons! This is so not reality.

When you are the one moving away there is a sense of closure, you make all the preparations. And so when you have to say goodbye to your friends it doesn’t seem so hard. But when you are the one being left behind its different. And to be the last one in your group of 5 plus friends makes it even more hard, there is no easing into it, when all your friends leave in a two week period.

So what do you do when you are the last one left?

Enjoy your last moments together.

Throw one last great bbq, drinks and dinner downtown, trips to the dog park. Whatever it is that ya’ll like to do together; do it and do it often! While we never know when we might run into them again in this crazy military journey, it might be years! But enjoy the time you have left together.

Remember it is ok to be sad.

Just because its a part of military life to be in constant flux, doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to have emotions in response to our situations. The phrase, Embrace the Suck, was invented for a reason! Never feel guilty for your emotions, own them and acknowledge them. We never need to apologize our emotions! When we embrace our emotions we are able to better deal with them and move on. It is when we deny our emotions that we become stuck. So let yourself feel sad, cry if you are a crier.

Its going to be ok.

As hard as it can be to make new friends, remember you’ve done it before and you can do it again. It is one of the hallmarks of a resilient military spouse, the ability to adapt. You will make new friends, eventually you will move too. No matter how sad you are now when all your friends are leaving, its going to be ok because you are incredibly strong!

Put yourself back out there, even when you don’t want to.

Right now I can’t imagine putting myself out there like I did when I first got here. It is hard to motivate yourself to put a 110% effort into making new friends, when I know I am moving in two months. I mean I am going to keep going to all my regular activities like the dog park, yoga, and PWOC. But I just don’t know how much effort I could put into making more friendships.

Saying goodbyes are hard. But you know what, we are strong wonderful people! We will always find friends. I think that is one of the blessings of military life. There is always a built in community, you just have to put a little bit of effort into finding it. This means that even when our friends leave, we just need to find ways to plug into our communities – PWOC, the FRG group, book clubs, workout groups.

Saying goodbye is hard, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t let anyone tell you you shouldn’t be upset when your friends leave just because you knew what you were getting yourself into.

What are your best tips for saying goodbye to friends when they PCS?

Saying goodbye never gets easier, no matter if your husband, family, or friends

18 thoughts on “Goodbyes Never Get Easier

  1. This one hit me right in the feels! Both of my closest friends here are leaving and I still have 2 years here. It’s definitely one of the suckier parts of military life 🙁

    1. Jenn, Absolutely! Both of my closest friends leave this week, and I am not ready for it! I never thought of this part, I always thought of saying goodbye when I left! But this is so different!

  2. Goodbyes are hard!!! Everyone deals with them differently and there is no right or wrong way. Such a great post.

  3. Not a military wife, but we just moved and I’m in the midst of trying to find and form new friendships. Transitions are always hard, but there are blessings there in the middle of them.

    1. Leigh, It doesn’t matter whether you are military or not, moving is hard and starting in a new place and making new friends can be so tough! Hope your transition goes so well!

  4. I’m not a military wife but my husband got a great job in a completely new country, so i know what you mean about saying goodbye to friends. And then arriving at the new place and putting yourself out there all over again. Goodbyes are not easy.

  5. It does get easier in some ways because you get more resilient, but there are friendships that are just harder to close the chapter on. I think as Christians it’s important to remember that God is orchestrating it all. We got them for a season and a reason and need to let them go for the next mission for both of us. Better to have loved and lost – even in friendship. Plus, some of my best friend in the whole world are women I NEVER see. We talk, we write, we text, but military life brought us together and changed us forever.

  6. I admire your resilience so much! I’m someone who loves change, but I don’t do endings well. (Pretty contradictory.) I carry around so much guilt about the things that I leave behind, even when leaving something was obviously the best choice and everyone’s happy for me. But to be honest with you, I don’t think there’s a trick to getting better at saying goodbye–the solution would be caring less, and that’s no way to live life!

  7. Goodbyes are so hard! I’ve grown up in a country away from most of my family, so we’ve had lots of experience with saying goodbye. I admire my parents so much for moving to a brand new country as young adults, with two tiny kids. It was such a brave thing, and a very selfless act on their behalf. 🙂

  8. I’m usually the one moving and leaving friends behind which is hard in it’s own way, but there have been a few times that my friends moved leaving me behind and you’re so right, that is a completely different kind of hard! You’re still there, living on life as normal, except you can’t do normal because the people you did all of those normal things with aren’t there anymore! It sucks.

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